Wednesday, June 19, 2019

June 27th

Finally have a start date! In a bit of Alanis irony, it’s 3 days shy of the 15th anniversary of my first ever chemo.  I almost contemplated starting on July 1, just to make it full-on official, but the cycles are 21 days this time. And so chemo 2 would be my birthday. That gets a big nope.

I’ll be doing it at the clinic closer to my house. I like the other office better, because everything is better in Columbia vs Glen Burnie. But they don’t do chemo on Thursdays, and I like having the weekend to recover. The local place is much bigger and confuses me, but I have no excuse. I’m one of the younger folks there, by about 20 years. If they can figure it out, I can!

Speaking of, I had a brief flashback to the old man in the elevator from story 2 here.  This morning, I was one of the first people there, so I parked in one of the “patients only” parking spaces. Because, I’m a patient and there were a bunch on empty ones, plus, I was supposed to be done by 8:30. Usually I do leave the close spots of people who need them more. Anyway, as I was getting back into me car around 9:45, this old guy was glaring at me. Kyle says he was just a cranky old man who liked my car, but I just took it as you are too young to park there. To be here. Yes, yes I am 🤬. I also got  asked if I was in menopause yet. Nope. Thanks for the other reminder I’m too young for this shit.

So why was I there this morning getting asked about menopause (from the technician, not the old man)? I got all my prechemo stuff done for post chemo radiation. This makes me very nervous. I’m torn about it. One of the two consistencies from all the oncologists I’ve seen is that radiation works, and is the best guarantee to get that last cell this time. But it greatly increases me risk of breast or lung cancer. Or a heart attack. I feel it’s a case of kill me now or kill me later. I guess we will discuss it more after a few cycles. I think proton radiation would reduce the risks, but there was some reason that wasn’t the best option. I don’t remember now, but it made sense at the time. Something about aiming.

Radiation is such a weird thing for me. I’ve been exposed to a lot. I’ve probably had 2 dozen CT scans, and half a dozen PET scans in my life. Plus, growing up, there were all the jokes about my hometown. And yeah, there was the occasional radiation problem back home.  Years ago, I talked to another girl from Oak Ridge who had hodgkins. She was a couple of years younger than me, and I taught her to twirl (flags). She blamed her Hodgkins on oak ridge. Personally, I blame the stupid shit I did in college, like getting mono and burning furniture with all its FR chemicals. And sitting on said furniture while it was burning, breathing all that shit. Three of use from the fraternity have had hodgkins (one I knew, and one a few years after I graduated). Ask an oncologist and you’ll just get a shrug, but... now why now? I don’t even have a guess at that. We left one behind and it got pissed at me.

Kyle, on the other hand, keeps saying it doesn’t make sense because he’s the one who did all the stupid shit in his younger years. But, well, life’s a bitch and not fair. I drew the short straw. But, whatcha gonna do? We all have our shit to deal with.


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