Monday, October 10, 2005

I hate my hair

This may be repetative. In my mind I have posted this 1,000 times.

So many non-cancer people seem to treat chemo's hair loss as nothing that big. I can't tell you how many times I heard "It will grow back" or something similar. But, from what I have read of people's, especially women's, expierences, the hair loss is one of the most traumatic aspects. When the wonderful medicines to combat chemo's side effects, the hair loss is one thing that still happens. And its the thing that makes cancer patients look so, well, for lack of a better word, sick. Heck, I was sicker from chemo that I ever was from cancer. Cancer was a life threatening disease, but (since I had no symptoms) did not make me "sick." I would have loved to get chemo weightloss, but that doesn't always happen anymore. In fact, the steriods make you gain weight. Yeah, gaining weight on chemo. Who would have thunk it?! So, after chemo, I ended up fatter and balder than I was 6 months prior.

So why, 10 months after chemo is over am I still bitching and whining about my hair?

I'm getting married in 13 days, and I hate my hair. It was always long and straight. I did two donations to Locks of Love* in 18 months. The picture to the right, with the blue crab, was a week after my first donation or 12 inches. That is such an awsome haircut. That is the shortest my hair has been in about 10 years (except for one bad experience that was quickly grown out). So here I am now, with this mop of not quite straight, not quite curly, not quite blonde, not quite the same length, not quite anything I have ever dealt with before. *sigh* I have been trying for the better part of 2 weeks to do something with it. And in the end, I hate everything. I cannot embrace this mop that is on my head right now. And, in 13 days, it will be immortalized forever as "the most wonderful day of my life." (insert wretching sounds for the wedding industry cheese).


So, in the next two weeks I am going to learn to love my hair. That is my goal. Everyone else says they love it. But I'm sure at least part of that is them thinking I need to hear that.

If you know of any tips or a website to fake an updo with 4 inches of hair, let me know. Please. I beg of you.

And no, no wigs. I couldn't wear wigs through chemo, I am not going to now.

So on a completely different note, I'm getting a cold. I heard about this stuff called Zicam and Airborne. I'm desperate. I'm going to try one or both of them.

* I have recently been reading some analysis of Locks of Love as a charity organization, and I'm not so sure I would do it again.


Blogger Janet said...

Zicam totally rocks! couple squirts up the nose for a couple of days and you'll feel better in no time. try some zinc and some vitamin c lozenges to help the process.

5:53 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hope, what about hair extensions? Remember how Meggers did them for her wedding? The pictures she showed were awesome. Why not look into it at least? I mean, you will have to look at these pictures for the rest of your life, you might as well love how you look in them.


9:32 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I hate to say it, but I would start looking at pixie cuts until you find something you at least like. Trying to force something "up" will probably look forced. The past year+ was a part of your life and throughout, you confirmed that Kyle is the one. Immortalizing that you don't have as much hair as you did beforehand should be a sign of how much he loves you whether you have your long locks or not. (Oh, and they are working on the hairloss thing, but it means your hair stops growing at the length it is when you begin chemo and I haven't heard what the side affects have been in clinical trials or if hairgrowth resumes afterwards.)


8:44 PM  

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