Sunday, June 20, 2004

How I'm doing


So this evening Kyle and I were able to nail down what I can and can't talk about. Ask me any of the technical details - the test coming up, when I'm aiming to start chemo, how long it will last, my hair, the meds, the tests so far, the results, etc - I'm cool. I'll answer those no problem. I can even tell you the funniest parts of the "Chemo and You" book ("don't forget to wipe after you use the toilet" - like people need to be reminded?!?!)

Ask me how I am doing and thats another story. It must be the ENGINEER in the Engineering Psychologist. Technical stuff is fine. I'm just not to keen on talking about the mental aspects. Especially since I feel perfectly fine, and I'm not someone who likes to be fussed over. Please don't fuss over me. :)

But I think I can type it fine. :)

So - How am I doing? I'm fine, really. Its been an emotional weekend, just dealing and processing everything. But, I'm about as good as can be expected from someone who isn't going to let this get her down. I get tired a bit easier than I use to. Like when I'm shopping, I can't walk around at my normal pace or my legs cramp up and I get exhausted. I must admit, this has been coming on for a couple months - and its good to finally know its at least partially to blame on something other then me being fat and lazy! LOL So yeah, things wear me out easier. That is counteracted by bouts of insomnia (hence the midnight posting when I have to work tommorow). But really, other than that I'm fine :) Physcially I was much worse last week b/c of the biopsy stitches and soreness there. Mentally I'm just coping as best I can. So, now that I answered that question - ya don't need to ask :)

I've read enough stats to know that I'm a classic case, with a classic presentation of the most treatable subtype of the most treatable cancer. So, I'm not freaked out about dying or anything. So no body else better be! Thats an order! Listen to me or suffer the Wrath of Hopie!!! Now because of that, my biggest concerns (in order) are a) my hair b) my planned and paid for dream vacation to Alaska c) puking

Also, don't forget K. He has been so awesome. And I think he is taking it all pretty well. Hopefully he won't mind me saying this, but I think he is a little more angry and "why is this happening?!" than me, but he is coping pretty well as best I can tell. But, you can talk to him yourself. Just don't want folks to forget than this isn't such an easy time for him either.

One last bit - then I will try sleep again. I think I calculated out that if I get all my tests and port installed this week, and start chemo the week after (which my doc wants to do) - I could, theorectically, if nothing goes wrong, have my last chemo session the week before we are scheduled to leave for Alaska. So once I figured that there was a remote possibility we could still go, I am bound and determined to keep everything on track and not let any side effects of the chemo delay anything. There has got to be some sort of mental role. And then I just have to convince the doc to let me fly to Alaska a week after finishing chemo. You can tell where my priorities lie. :) I have a sneaking suspicion boss man is going to tell me its a pipe dream, but let me have my pipe dream for at least tonight :)


Blogger Gypsy said...

I think you should definitely keep Alaska in the mix. What a wonderful way to wrap up that part of the journey :)

8:15 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Yes, I agree, keep Alaska. My dad thinks many a time my mom, at her worst, would not have done as well if not for the horse she bought just prior to her surgery. She wanted in the worst way to get better and ride him and she worked for it. It's always a good thing to have a goal. Sue

10:45 AM  
Blogger nycpetit said...

Hope...I think that it's normal for Kyle to be's also sometimes that it will feel like it's happening to him...because he can't fix it...guys like to "fix" remember???

Maybe your perspective will see you through better..but I think that you'll adapt as the time goes's too soon....

you have my thoughts


9:25 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hope, you are so sweet, that you would even *think* of my wedding.

You rock, dear girl.

Much love, Megan

9:10 AM  

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